400 BABIES

Powerthirst Sports Drink


How come chips come in bags and crackers come in boxes?

Miscellaneous Thoughts II

Has anyone seen the new milk commercials? They're stupid. In fact, they're so bad I couldn't even find them on youtube. But the new milk website is fun. It's a game. Humans are the only animals that drink other animals' milk.

Orange County in one word or less: Artificial.

Irony? Jack Kevorkian spent a decade of his early life learning medicine so that he could become a doctor. He then dedicated his life to helping people die. Because of this he had his license to practice revoked and was sent to prison. Oregon is currently the only state that allows assisted suicide. (PS, he's also an artist?)

After I was at home over the last winter holiday season, I came back to find my car stinking like piss. I investigated and found evidence of mice living under my hood. I cleaned it out as well as I could. A couple weeks ago, after less than a week of not driving it, I left a light on in the car and couldn't start it. I found someone to give me a jump and when I opened my hood they (the rodents) were back. But they were huge. Pretty sure they were rats. My question is this: Why were they hanging out in my ratty old car, when there's a beautiful BMW parked right next to me?

I got a bunch of these new presidential $1 coins as change from the post office yesterday. I read on the website that what they're doing is releasing four presidents per year. So this year is George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Sam Adams, and .... James Madison? YES! I got them all, I just mixed up Jefferson and Adams. No biggie. Anyway that's cool about the coins, right? Wrong. This is why it's not cool: In ten years I'm gonna be walking around with both George Bushes, Bill Clinton, and some other totally lame guy in my pocket. Unless Hillary wins next year (HAH!).

I accidentally bought 75% less sugar Cinnamon Toast Crunch at the store the other day instead of the normal kind. It's awful. Like cinnamon toast woodchips.

Stars

As you should already know, Bob Barker has taped his last episode of The Price Is Right (set to air this Friday). I guess by the time you're 83 it'd be nice to retire, especially after doing the same show for 35 years (Wikipedia says, "In Judaism when someone reaches 83 they celebrate a second bar mitzvah." Is this true Jews?). Now, there are two problems we face in the absence of Bob Barker:
1. Who will host The Price is Right now?
2. Who will educate the public about spaying and neutering their pets?
Let's talk about question 1. I hear on the radio that Rosie O'Donnell is a front-runner for replacing Bob. Well, I'd be pretty uncomfortable with that. I think most people would. Well good news: according to this article, Rosie isn't one of the possibilities. Instead we have these guys:
1. George Hamilton, the well-known actor from well-known films such as The Godfather: Part III, She's Too Tall, The Little Unicorn, and The Happy Hooker Goes to Washington.
2. John O'Hurley, Mr. Peterman from Seinfeld.
3. Mark Steines, nobody.
Here are my top three choices to replace Bob Barker:
1. Alessandra Ambrosio
2. Adam Sandler
3. Big Bird

'SHUT UP! Enough already, news people! Who cares about Paris Hilton anyway? The girl has only one look, for Christ's sake! Dumb Blonde? Party Girl? Wasted Hooker? They're the same face! Doesn't anybody notice this? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!'

Today is Mary-Kate and Ashley Olson's 21st birthday. I bet they're having an awesome party in LA somewhere. I've got half a mind to drive up there tomorrow and see if I can get in. How come it's always Mary-Kate and Ashley and never Ashley and Mary-Kate?

Evolution, Creationism, and Dinosaurs

I've been accumulating items of interest related to Christianity, the religion. Most Christians are alright, but there are some crazies out there. For example, all those people who don't want evolution taught in schools. Even the late Popes Pius XII and John Paul II recognized that evolution doesn't necessarily conflict with Christianity (read their thoughts here and here). But anyway, I guess if we're going to stop teaching children about the theory of evolution, maybe we should stop teaching them about the theory of gravity too. Or maybe let's just stop teaching them anything at all and let them figure everything out on their own. Wow, that would be great: then we could lower taxes.

I'm getting off topic. Behold! The ATHEIST'S WORST NIGHTMARE! The BANANA! You have got to watch this video. Words cannot describe it.

I also wanted to talk about this Creationist Museum (which is now open in Petersburg, Kentucky). I read this article on BBC News about it. It's pretty insane. They believe that the book of Genesis should be taken completely literally. They have exhibits with humans and dinosaurs playing together (click on exhibit #10). And yes, I typed that correctly. Children playing with dinosaurs. Based on my experience with dinosaurs, which comes mainly from scientifically infallible movies like Jurassic Park, this seems unlikely. This is my favorite part of the BBC article (in response to "But dinosaurs have sharp teeth!"):

'"So do bears", says Ken [founder of the museum and Answers in Genesis], "but they eat nuts and berries! Remember, before the sin of Adam, the world was perfect. All creatures were vegetarian." One of the dinosaurs lets out a rather contradictory roar.'

Yeah, some bears to eat berries, like the black bear. They also eat insects and young deer/elk/whatever. I've never heard of a polar bear eating berries, but I did see one on TV the other day trying to eat a walrus. A lot of bears eat fish. I don't think that counts as vegetarian.

These Answers in Genesis people are pretty... amazing. They manage to show that males having nipples and rabbits eating their own poop support creationism. Also, they explain that dinosaurs were actually on Noah's Arc and many probably survived the Flood. But, sadly, those that survived later died... "Due to (1) competition for food that was no longer in abundance, (2) other catastrophes, (3) man killing for food (and perhaps for fun), and (4) the destruction of habitats, etc." Their fossils were apparently made from all the mud from the flood. And seriously, you can't deny their point that the New York Times is a "secular evolutionary propaganda machine." Okay, I've ranted enough about that I think. More info on the Creation Museum.

But there are a lot of good things that come out of Christianity. Like Christmas, Easter, X-mas, Santa Claus, and the movie Sister Act starring Whoopi Goldberg (who has no eyebrows). But one thing that's really awesome is the Lego Bible. In it, stories from the bible are told in Lego form. Quite awesome. Another really cool thing is Bible Fight, a game from Adult Swim that allows you to fight as Jesus, Mary, Abraham, Noah, Eve, and even Satan (And God if you're really good). Of course they all have special moves, which are fantastic. It's basically just like Mortal Combat. So I guess it would be... Immortal Combat?

Finally, I read an article that a hammerhead shark in a zoo in Nebraska (wow, how do you get a shark to Nebraska?) had a virgin birth, but then they tried to rationalize it with all this science mumbo-jumbo. The first thing that came to my mind when I read it is, I'm sure, the same thing that just came to your mind: Shark Jesus? How great would it be if sharks became Christians? Maybe they would stop eating us. At least on Fridays.